Randy Jackson, Victoria Beckham, Kara DioGuardi, Simon Cowell - Michael Becker / FOX
To steal a line from Rihanna: the wait is ova. American Idol season 9 premiered last night on Fox, and just like every season, thousands of Idol hopefuls turned up to show off their voices — good or bad.
Back in action were the judges we’ve grown to know and love (well, until they make a really bad call): Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell. Judge Kara DioGuardi was back for her second season and feeling more comfortable as she settled in with the boys as the only female staff judge for the audition rounds (Ellen DeGeneres, who replaces Paula Abdul, will join the crew for Hollywood week). Ryan Seacrest was back to host and console the poor babies without golden tickets. Former Spice Girl and fashion vixen Victoria Beckham guested on the judging panel.
And now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, we can dive into the good stuff — the auditions. It all starts in Boston this time around. You had your good, your bad, your decent-ish, your dreadful, your sob stories, and you OH WOW auditions.
With two hours of wackiness to go through, I’ll pick a few of the stand out auditions on both ends of the talent spectrum.
The Good :)
Maddy Curtis: This 16-year-old’s backstory was touching. She comes from a large family and has several brothers with Down Syndrome. For her audition, she went with a judges’ favorite, “Hallelujah.” She was praised for her sweet, pure voice, and for not being annoying. (Can you guess who chimed in with that bit?) She was nice, but just nice won’t get her very far.
Jess Wolfe: Jess was included in a montage of female singers who impressed the judges, but she was the only one to catch my ear or eyes. She was dressed a bit too old for her age, only 24, but her smooth, jazzy voice (and Lisa Loeb-esque glasses) made her stand out.
Amadeo Diricco: The 28-year-old drew me in with his big Italian family and even bigger voice. He could learn some vocal control, but he’s incredibly likable, and was it just me or does he totally look like a young Emeril Lagasse?
Ashley Rodriguez: Do you hear that? That’s the sound of the hype train coming. You’ll hear it a lot when it comes to Ashley. The judges were smitten with the pretty 21-year-old. She did a great job putting her own spin on Alicia Keys’ “If I Aint Got You,” but what the judges harped on was her”very commercial” look.
Tyler Grady: The judges are in love with Ashley, but my heart was stolen by Tyler. He walked in with two fractured wrists, a funky 70′s look, shaggy hair, and one A-effin-MAZING voice. The drummer/aspiring frontman, who performed “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye, had a rich, soulful tone to his voice that caught the judges completely off guard.
Katie Stevens: Another heartwarming backstory. Katie loves her sweet little grandma who is suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease. She loves singing to her and connecting through music while her dear gran still remembers her. If your tears started falling after seeing her video package, you perked right up when the 16-year-old cutie let out her soaring voice on Etta James’ “At Last.” Could we have a female David Archuleta? Oh, please say yes!
Justin Williams: Just one night in and we’ve already gotten a bucket filled to the top with tears from these sob stories. Justin was diagnosed with cancer at just 27 years old. He beat the big C’s ass, and beat the odds again to grab a golden ticket to Hollywood with his bluesy performance of “Feelin’ Good.” It’s a good thing he did — he’s a full-time vocal coach.
The Bad :(
Pat Ford: Oh, Patty. He was one hot piece of geeky man meat. Randy says he should “stop singing forever,” but with moves that hot to Brtiney Spears’ “Womanizer,” he should head to YouTube, like, now and show these BS fanboys how it’s done.
Derek Hilton: Derek, who totally looks like John Smith from Pocahontas, says he sounds like a combination of Chris Brown and the Eagles. Epic, right? Too bad he was completely off. Maybe there was a tiiiiiny bit of C. Breezy in there…if you pumped him full of helium, kicked him in the throat several times, and made him sing through a bullhorn.
Andrew Fenlon: He could be my favorite bad singer ever. The problem with Andy is not that his voice was terrible, it actually wasn’t that bad, but that his attitude smelled worse than a porta potty. But that, my friends, is what made him so awesome. He royally pissed Kara off after just one question. “Why are you here?” A question almost everyone is asked. Only Andy could give such a snappy answer: “I’m here auditioning for American Idol. I think that’s pretty obvious.”
Lisa Olivero: Lisa proved to be everything wrong with the music industry. Simon shallowly revealed that once he saw her cute, petite frame, he thought she’d be a great singer. Oh, so wrong. She completely butchered Mariah Carey’s “Vision of Love.” The good news is she has a day job as a waitress. From the looks of her pre-audition package, she’s better at that than singing.
Norberto Guerrero: If Bill Kaulitz of Tokio Hotel was spliced with Michael Jackson, Norberto would be the hawt outcome. Unfortunately, he didn’t sound nearly as hot as this concoction sounds. Simon put it best. Norberto “sings like a three-year-old girl dressed like Latoya Jackson.” Ouch!
Judging the Guest Judge
Victoria Beckham took her job seriously, but I think she thought she was there to judge the contestants on their looks. She frequently commented on how “lovely” some looked or what they could do to look better. Once she let the fashion focus go, she proved to be a fair judge not afraid to call Simon out when needed. B-
You said Bill Kaulitz! YAY!