Hollie Cavanaugh - Fox
The American Idol gang went on down to Austin, Texas in search of some good ol’ talent. But before the singing and judging could begin, the Idol producers had to take care of some business.
Earlier in the day yesterday, Ryan Seacrest announced last night’s episode would begin with an apology from producers to viewers for Steven Tyler’s “outrageous behavior.” The outrageous behavior he displayed on this episode was apparently the ability to rhyme “muck” with a naughty word. In other words, the apology and Ryan’s dramatic radio segment about it were all part of one super lame joke.
What. A. Rip. Off.
We almost decided to punish Idol producers by turning to a rerun of Martin on TV One, but we chose to stick around to see if Austin could make up for this all-too-obvious attempt at grabbing ratings. Turns out the episode offered more ridiculousness.
Here’s a recap of how this season’s most boring eppy went down:
Corey Levoy: His long lost sister (whom he so totally DOESN’T have an inappropriate relationship with) encouraged him to sing. The day, Corey said, would be “one of the most exciting days of my life.” And why not? He’s on Idol showing off the beautiful and so totally not inappropriate relationship his has with his BFF sis! Anyways! Corey, whose speaking voice sounds slightly helium-affected, chose the classic Bonnie Raitt song “I Cant Make You Love Me” to perform in front of the judges and his sister, whom he…nevermind. His singing voice is high and kinda feminine, but enjoyable. The camera went out to a birds’ eye view of Corey singing and we immediately noticed his ample booty. Little did we know Corey would point it out himself later. (People tell him he has J.Lo booty!) Anyways again! The judges all loved him. Three heck yeahs (one from Steven, Jennifer, and his sister) and a “y’all heck yeah” from Randy.
Hollie Cavanaugh: There was just absolutely no excuse for the way 17-year-old Hollie butchered the melody on Etta James’ “At Last.” We suspect she found a popular song, studied it briefly, and tried to put one over on everyone. Besides disrespecting a classic, Hollie’s voice was very affected. It sounded put on, like she also studied how to make herself sound like a blues singer without actually being one naturally. After the judges end that disastrous performance and Hollie breaks down in tears, they offer her a chance to choose another song. Lame. She went from Etta James to Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb.” The melody was on, but the voice didn’t sound much better. Hollie blubbers her way through the performance, that the judges claim was much better than the first. Bull! They’re just giving free passes to teens who cry. Hollie is on her way to Hollywood, but we don’t think she’ll last long.
John Wayne Schulz: John Wayne — and that’s his real name — is a real life cowboy with some gnarly country pipes. He tried out for Idol at the urging of his mom when she was suffering from breast cancer. Performing “Believe” by Brooks and Dunn, J.W. showed off a nice tender tone. The judges bring his parents in to give him the big welcome to Hollywood! (We can’t help but wonder if Kara Dioguardi is somewhere wondering why they didn’t make a good-looking fella like John take off his shirt.)
Courtney Penry: Ryan Seacrest’s biggest stalker, erm, fan gets some up close and personal time with him. She even cries! Turns out the tears are fake. This one is quite the actress, and she also does one mean chicken cluck. She pulls off a decent rendition of “Stay” by Sugarland, though we dig her chicken cluck more. Jennifer praises her for her strong points but thinks she needs to work on some things. Steven thinks she has “star quality.” Randy thinks she has a pretty good voice but says she has bad habits she needs to clean up. Ultimately he says no. Jennifer and Steven say yes and it’s off to cluck up a storm in Hollywood.
Jacqueline Dunford and Nick Fink: This season, we already met an ex-couple who sang their way to golden tickets to Hollywood. But how would a currently in love couple do? We’d find out. Jacqueline and Nick are on a mission to become American Idol’s first power couple. After a super cheesy intro, their audition starts with Jacqueline singing “Mercy” by Duffy. We actually start begging her for mercy…to stop. She was all over the place. High notes jumping here. Faux-soul spilling there. Nick performs “Sunday Morning” by Maroon 5. He puts a Sinatra spin on it. It’s weird. Too slow and his voice is just OK. But he can control his voice much better than his lady love can. The judges love it, though. They also loved Jacqueline flimsy performance. Ah, gimmicks! They’ll get you everywhere this season. The lovebirds fly off to Hollywood together.
Janelle Arthur: Janelle, who wears shoes and has no missing teeth, thank you very much, finally tried out for Idol after five years of urging from her family. The Tennessee native poured her beautiful voice into Duffy’s “Syrup and Honey.” The judges seem pleased but ask Janelle for something snappier. She obliges and WOW! Her voice is pure and delicious. And, hello, she’s gorg! Hollywood!
Casey Abrams: Some people say he looks like Seth Rogen. Others say a muppet from Fraggle Rock. We say a Cabbage Patch doll. The 19-year-old performs “I Don’t Need No Doctor” by Ray Charles, and despite his ridiculous melodica and horrendous intro package, which did everything to make you believe he’d suck, Cabbage Patch Abrams has a big bluesy voice, lots of energy, and tons of likability. “That was sick good,” Steven says. Hell yeah it was! Three yeses! We’re looking forward to seeing him again.
Los Angeles is the next stop!
[...] the soulful mother of two we met in Milwaukee. Up next was Hollie Cavanaugh, the young Brit who crumbled to pieces during her audition, but was given a second chance and “nail it,” said Randy. Despite [...]